2021: New Found Hope

I'm grateful to begin 2021. I've never set any New Year's resolutions, but I was lying in bed thinking about how I want to spend my time this year. I believe that how I spend my time is the real evidence of my values. Anyone can say this or that is important, but it's not a true value if it's not demonstrated by action. I try to evaluate with some undefined regularity and make sure my values are visibly evident to me in my daily routines and activities. If there's some discrepancy, I can check in with myself and decide if I want to change my behaviors or re-evaluate the ideal I'm not living out. This type of value check is some of the work I enjoy with clients.

 I received a text this morning from a friend in recovery quoting Melodie Beattie's Language of Letting Go: "May I set my goals for the New Year not at the yearlong mark, but one day at a time. My traditional New Year's resolutions have been so grandly stated and so soon broken. May I learn not to stamp my past mistakes with that indelible word, forever. Instead, may each single day in each New Year be freshened by my new found hope. Today I Will Remember: Happy New Year."

This quote is so congruent with my recent thoughts on how to live a rich and vivid life. A "new found hope" is such a glorious concept. In the past, I have wallowed in shame and regret. Those feelings were tools of torture that prevented me from making any progress or changing my behaviors. During my early recovery, I struggled learning to say “no” and only commit to actions I was truly willing to take. With lots of help from therapists, psychiatrists, and 12 Step Fellowships, I have developed my skills at saying no, so I can focus my time and attention on what really matters to me. I'm not perfect and I still make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes are intensely painful. I can experience emotional distress today and I'm glad. Sadness, shame, fear, and anger are all useful in the short term as they are communicating that my heart has recognized a problem. The challenge is to receive that message, address the problem, and release the feelings. I don't have to bludgeon myself with my mistakes today. I'm not defective and I don't deserve abuse for my shortcomings. Instead, I check in with myself to realign my behaviors with my values. If something hasn't worked out, OK. I don't have to be perfect to be valuable.

So this year I will strive to honor my values. I will spend time with my family. I will spend time alone. I will put forth energy and effort to improve my sexual satisfaction. I will study and train to improve my clinical skills. I will offer experience, strength, and hope to those who seek it. I will find joy every day as I spin yarn, knit, weave, dye, hook rugs, quilt, or sew. I'll make candles and soap with my best friends. I will continue to train with my daughter in self-defense. I will enjoy myself. I will make mistakes. I will get distracted from my goals, notice the discomfort this produces, and re-focus. I accept that my best fluctuates and I will forgive myself when necessary. Just for today, I am ready to work towards my goals and help others achieve theirs as well. Happy New Year.

I invite you to consider your life through this lens and ponder whether your daily lived experiences are congruent with your goals and dreams. Where might you re-align your behaviors with your values? Where do you find joy? What can you forgive and release so that you have more resources and energy? You are valuable. You are worthy of hope and happiness. Blessed Be.